She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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