I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
