I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Will you blow on my dice?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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