He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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