I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
