He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize