So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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