Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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