Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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