a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
