can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
