I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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