You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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