Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
