I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
