I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
