is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
