You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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