I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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