We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
