So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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