I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
