Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
