i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she smelled like a LAN party
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
