You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
