You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
