Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
