Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
