never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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