Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
