He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
