Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
