Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The air taste purple.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
