I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
