They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
