remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
