I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
