nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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