i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
