He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
