this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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