May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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