You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
