Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
