Whod you bang
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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