a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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