Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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