i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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