Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
where am i from again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
