yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
