you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize