I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
