i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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