I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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