We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
