remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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