No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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