Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
