he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
