I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize