I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
