Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Someone shit on the floor
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
