i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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