Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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