That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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