just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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