You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
