i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
