I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize