super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
