i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
