do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I won the penis lottery.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
