I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
