I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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