Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
