so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
