Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
