Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
