It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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