if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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