i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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