I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
