i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize