Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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