I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize