In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
