I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
