do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
