fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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