It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i believe in u and ur pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
