halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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