He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
