DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
