terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
