I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NoShamevember. You game?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
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