You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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