You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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