I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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