So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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