just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
