she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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