he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
