It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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