and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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