I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
