How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
