Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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