It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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