after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
