Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
