i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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