My first STD was from a foam party
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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