Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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