but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
