I accidentally had phone sex last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
