My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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