Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
