he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
two words: eviction party
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
