My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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