Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
