I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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