Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
