I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
