You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
