I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
