i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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